Top 4 Halloween Costumes 2013

To me – the best bet for a lady’s Halloween costume has to be 50% sexy and 50% funny. I remember one year I went as Winona Ryder – during her “stealing years,” – and I dressed in a large overcoat with large cumbersome objects sticking out of the pockets. I did not get any tail that night. I also got complaints from my friends to “stop sitting down to rest” all night long. Dressing 100% funny makes for 0% fun times.

What are the repercussions for dressing 100% sexy you may ask? Jealous ladies may stare at you sideways and call you a whore nonverbally inside of their heads all night…but you can put up with that. It’s the gross VERBAL comments you’ll get from guys dressed as chimney sweeps and wearing clown make-up throughout the long, long, long night that will drive you crazy.

So, here are my top choices for Sexy Funny costumes that will earn you tail and respect by all by the end of the night:

#4. Gemma from Sons Of Anarchy

Guys like tight, boob-revealing, butt-hugging leather clothing. Funny part: make sure you EMPHASIZE that scar! Make it huge, crusty and slightly bloody…yet appealing. Pros: You can act like a badass all night and talk mean & dirty, and smoke. Cons: Don’t’ cover up too much skin, you may scare some tail away.

#3. Bicycle Girl from Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines video

Guys like nudity – especially from the gals from this year’s hottest video. But put your funny twist on it by going as the chick on the bike. Girls with short legs riding bikes with big wheels is comical. You’ll be the hit of the party. Pros: You won’t get tired walking up and down the street in your hooker heels. Cons: You may have some competition with other girls wearing/non-wearing the same thing.

#2. Rihanna from her Pour It Up video

Guys like Rihanna, especially when she’s dressed up as a stripper. Funny Factor – Controversial videos are Hilarious!! Get your hands on a funky platinum wig, some fake tats, bruise your face up a little bit and you’re money! Pros: You can talk with a British accent all night! (my fans know I’m REALLY good at that) Cons: Don’t use the spray tan too much, some may think it’s offensive.

#1. Anne Hathaway from Les Miserables

What’s hotter than a beat up stripper? A homeless hooker! Men have “Dreamed a Dream” like that nightly! Funny Factor- make sure you wear a ratty wig that you can continually cut while crying throughout the night. When the night’s about to come to a close, cut off the last bit, grab a hottie and “Bring Him Home.”

Pros: You can SING show tunes all night long Cons: NONE